For today’s movie I came back to America for a staple of United States horror in the 1950s, the giant monster movie. I decided to pick one I hadn’t seen before but knew by reputation, The Giant Claw. I first became intrigued with the movie when I saw a poster for it. The poster I saw showed a giant bird-like creature, but it didn’t have a head. Did the monster actually look like that in the movie. It turns out, no, it doesn’t, but the mystery of the poster was explained by the fact that almost no one knew what the monster would look like until the movie was finished and screened for the first time. Why? Because the monster looks completely ridiculous.
The story of The Giant Claw is about as basic as it gets for this type of film. A test pilot sees something he can’t identify in the sky, and various planes begin to disappear. Turns out a giant bird is the culprit, and the plot involves the test pilot and a beautiful mathematician (who of course ends up being the test pilot’s love interest) trying to figure out how to kill the giant beast. Silly destruction ensues, and the story ends happily (except for the people who died). What makes The Giant Claw remarkable is the giant beast itself. Well, I say remarkable, but infamous might be a better word.
Apparently the director initially wanted stop-motion animation for his monster, but since the budget didn’t allow that, he had a puppet built instead. The actors filmed their parts not knowing how the monster would look, because all the monster carnage was done with effects and cutaways. The monster ended up looking like some giant, malformed buzzard that look more sad and goofy than in any way frightening. The bird creature ha been mocked repeatedly over the years, so I’m not really going to add to that. I’ll just say that it’s not so much the campy effects that hurt the beast, it’s the gloriously goofy design. It’ actually quite cute in a lot of ways. The thing is, the first third of the movie is nicely done (if somewhat formulaic), but the monster’s appearance completely undercuts any tension that was building up for its reveal.
Overall though, I enjoyed the movie fine. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen nearly this exact same plot play out numerous times, but I’m totally cool with that. The lead actor were fun to watch, and their struggles and triumphs were entertaining. I think if I watch The Giant Claw again I’ll have a better appreciation for it. That probably won’t happen for a long time, but as gar as American monster movies from the 1950s go, it’s fine.
Do you remember a few days ago when I wrote about Dead Space and said it’s a remake of a movie from 1982? Well, I said I would see that original movie pretty soon, and soon is now. Today’s movie of the day is Forbidden World, a sci-fi monster movie that borrows more than a little from Alien, yet feels original enough in its presentation and story that I won’t be talking about Alien for the rest of this journal entry (which is something I couldn’t avoid when writing about Dead Space). ForbiddenWorld is a campy sci-fi b-monster-movie with lots of action, tension, blood, gore, and beautiful women. I enjoyed it thoroughly, and I might have a new film to add to my list of favorite movies about groups of people isolated with a murderous monster (yes, that is a list I have in my head).
If you read my journal entry about Dead Space, then you already know the plot of Forbidden World. It’s pretty much the same movie, only Forbidden World is far, far better. The basic plot is that a hot-shot space pilot answers a distress call at an isolated research facility on an alien world. The pilot, Mike Colby, journeys to the facility with his android companion, and they discover that a group of scientists have created something that has grown out of control. The creature they made begins to attack and kill the people at the facility one by one as it gets bigger, grosser, and more dangerous.
So yeah, the basic plot points are the same between Forbidden World and Dead Space, but there’s so much more depth in Forbidden World. Characters’ motivations make tons more sense, the creature is explained way better, and the special effects, though still low-budget and cheesy, look great. I’m glad I saw Dead Space first, because without knowing anything about either movie, I was able to enjoy Dead Space fine for what it is. Comparisons to Forbidden World would have been impossible to avoid had I seen it first, and that would have caused me to enjoy Dead Space less.
One of my favorite aspects of Forbidden World, besides the copious amount of blood and gooey alien monster fluids, is the presentation of the movie. For one, I just love the 70s/80s look and feel. It’s something that can be difficult to describe, but I know it when I see it. The costumes, the sets, the lighting, it all has that classic sci-fi feel of the era. But more than that, the way the movie is edited can be quite unique at times.
Starting very early in the movie, there are moments when we’ll see flashes of other scenes, often when music is playing. It feels almost like a dream sequence of sorts, but it’s not. They could be flashbacks or flashforwards depending on the scene, and when put together they give the whole movie a very fun vibe. I’m probably not explaining it well, but I suppose I’m just trying to say that the unique editing helped to evoke certain tones while I was watching. I liked it a lot, and it got me interested in the movie right away.
Forbidden World is definitely something that I’ll revisit at some point. I often get cravings for just this type of monster movie, and I’m very happy that I found another to add to my go-to list.
Dr. Moreau’s House of Pain (2004) – A Movie A Day 2021 #36
Dr. Moreau’s House of Pain poster
Continuing (and maybe ending) my loosely-linked movie watching streak, today’s flick pick features one of the stars and the director from yesterday’s movie. Charles Band, a prolific director and producer of low budget movies and the creator of Full Moon Features, directed Decadent Evil as well as today’s movie, and Debra Mayer, the master vampire Morella from Decadent Evil, plays a plucky news reporter named Mary Anne in today’s feature. And so, without any further ado, today I’ll be writing about Dr. Moreau’s House of Pain, a strangely fun movie with blood and gore, mad scientists, and manimals. Yeah, manimals.
A title like Dr. Moreau’s House of Pain tells you a few things without even seeing a single frame of the film. First, the “Dr. Moreau’s” part of the title tells you that the movie will have at least some passing resemblance to H.G. Wells’ The Island of Dr. Moreau or any of its many adaptations. I’ve never read the novel, and I can’t remember seeing any of its adaptations all the way through, but I understand there are human/animal hybrids in it. Judging by Dr. Moreau’s House of Pain, I imagine that’s all the writer of the movie knew about the original novel as well.
The second half of the title, House of Pain, tells you that this is probably going to be a violent movie without a whole lot in the way of subtext or symbolism. I suppose you could also gather that information knowing that this is a Full Moon movie directed by Charles Band, but even if you didn’t know that (which I didn’t when I first came across the movie), the title still instills a sense of lurid shallowness. Once again, after watching the movie, the title is spot on.
And together “Dr. Moreau’s” and “House of Pain” tell you that you’re in for some b-movie campiness and cheesiness if you decide to watch it. I made that decision, and I definitely got what was promised. I think I even enjoyed it more than Decadent Evil.
Dr. Moreau’s House of Pain is set sometime in or around the 1940s, and it follows a guy named Eric, his best friend Mary Anne, and his brother’s ex-girlfriend, Judith, as they search for Eric’s missing brother. A quick trip to the local strip joint gives Eric a lead in his search. Eric follows a stripper, Alliana, whom his brother apparently had the hots for. Before Eric can ask Alliana any questions, he sees her punch her hand straight through some guy’s head for trying to force himself on her. Eric, Mary Anne, and Judith follow the woman to a huge house on the outskirts of town, and inside they discover, naturally, Dr. Moreau’s house of pain.
Eric, Mary Anne, and Judith are quickly taken prisoner, and the movie follows their efforts to try to escape with their lives and all of their body parts. See, Dr. Moreau is back from his island vacation, and he’s now being forced to repeatedly operate to try to turn some of his hideous creations into normal humans. There’s a short pig man named Gallagher, a huge panther (or something) man named PeeWee, and a fish woman named Gorgana. Gorgana is the daughter of Pak, Dr. Moreau’s former assistant who now forces Moreau to keep working until he fixes his daughter. And there’s also Alliana, a beautiful and deadly creation that looks like a human, but has enhanced strength and a huge mean streak. There is a whole bunch of drama between all the members of the house of pain, but the real focus of the story is seeing if Eric, Mary Anne, and Judith can escape before they end up next on the mad doctor’s operating table. Or worse. It get worse, but I’ll let you experience that if you decide to watch.
The movie is full of camp and cheese. Whether that’s good or not is up to your personal cheese tolerance, but I enjoyed it. The pseudo-1940s dialogue felt really cumbersome in the first few scenes, but after a while I started to find the stilted lines kind of charming. I mean, when I see a pig man spouting flowery soliloquies at people chained up in a cage, I can’t help but enjoy it on some level.
Dr. Moreau’s House of Pain is all about brightly colored, tilted camera, monstery goodness built on a base of ridiculous drama with a bit of nudity every so often for variety. I liked it fine. Am I being too forgiving? Maybe. The continuity is often laughable, the plot is stretched to its breaking point just so the movie can get to where the next scene needs to be, and lots of character moments just don’t make sense. But as a mindless way to spend 71 minutes of my life, I can think of worse things.
As a parting thought, the poster artwork for the movie is fantastic. That’s really what made me choose this movie over anything else. Also, I know the movie is going to be 17 years old this year, but I’d like to see a sequel with some new manimals (that’s Dr. Moreau’s word, not mine). Not to spoil anything, but lots of things die in this movie, so the sequel will need new human/animal hybrids. I would like to suggest half shark alligator half man, and I would like Dr. Octagon to write the dialogue for the film. If you’re unfamiliar with these references, please enjoy the following song.
My recent viewing of Leviathan put me in a mood for similar sci-fi horror movies, so I searched around until I found something that stood out to me. I stopped searching once I came across Dead Space, a movie that looked like a super-cheap Alien rip-off from 1991 starring Bryan Cranston. Well, Bryan Cranston doesn’t star in the movie necessarily, I’d say he’s a co-star at best, but he is in it. Everything else I assumed about the Dead Space is accurate though. It is indeed a super-cheap Alien rip-off, and I had a lot of fun with it.
Apparently Dead Space is not only a rip-off of Alien, but it’s also a remake of a movie called Forbidden World from 1982. I haven’t seen Forbidden World yet, though I’m sure I will soon. Anyway, here’s the plot for Dead Space. In the future, a “space cowboy” by the name of Steve Krieger intercepts a distress call from a remote research station on an alien planet (the wiki page and IMDB both say the station is on Saturn, but it definitely is not). Krieger arrives to help out, but he finds that not everyone wants him there. Out of courtesy for his trouble, head scientists Emily Stote and Frank Darden (Cranston) inform him of their situation. The small science team at the station have been researching a virus which has mutated beyond their expectations. Stote and Darden think the situation is being handled just fine, but the scientist who sent the distress call, Marissa Salinger, thinks their situation is anything but under control. Krieger ends up staying for a while, and naturally the virus (which is actually an organism that can mutate and transit a virus) escapes and causes havoc. Then the rest of the movie is all about the small crew trying to survive and kill the virus monster before it murders them all.
Like Alien and a thousand other movies that came after Alien, Dead Space is full of dark, claustrophobic hallways being stalked by a creature that gets progressively bigger and more dangerous as the movie goes on. There is a chest bursting scene, multiple scenes with panicked crew members trying to find the tiny and quick monster in the room before it escapes into the air ducts, and even a scene where the monster turns into a Giger-esque creature that towers over the crew. The effects are laughable and fun in a goofy b-movie way, and the plot takes some head-shaking turns that I couldn’t help but smile at. Dead Space is not a good movie, but it is fun. If nothing else, Dead Space was a good late-night movie to go to sleep to, and it opened the door for me to watch some other related movies.
My only real complaint is that the cover art and title are completely misleading. Some of the cooler posters and VHS art for Dead Space show an skeleton in a torn-up astronaut suit floating in space. That never happens in the movie, and the bulk of the movie doesn’t even take place in space. I mean, the interiors the crew members are in are effectively just like any other outer-space horror movie, so maybe I’m getting hung up on a technicality. But if you promise me a skeleton in space, at least make a slight attempt to give me a skeleton in space.
Beast from Haunted Cave: Elvira’s Movie Macabre Edition (1959/2011) – A Movie A Day 2021 #21
Elvira’s Movie Macabre DVD double feature (the one I watched).
Cheesy monster movies are great, but what makes a cheesy monster movie even better? Elvira! I’ve been watching Elvira host bad horror movies for as long as I can remember, and the original Movie Macabre theme music from the 1980s is forever imprinted in my brain. The original run of Movie Macabre ended in 1986, but I still regularly watch the show on VHS, DVD, and online. The show was revived in 2010 but lasted for just under a year before going away again. Episodes from the revival of Movie Macabre, including a few unaired episodes, have been released on DVD, and I, of course, have a few of those discs. So when I was looking for my daily movie to watch, picking an Elvira episode I hadn’t seen yet was an easy decision.
The movie I chose was Beast from Haunted Cave. The film is a Roger Corman produced monster movie about a gang of thieves who concoct a seemingly unnecessarily complicated plan to steal a few gold bars. The gang consists of Alex, the leader of the group, Gypsy, who is (sort of) Alex’s woman, Byron, the comic relief, and Marty, the uh… other guy. Alex wants to rob a bank near a busy ski resort, and he has Marty set off a bomb in a local mine to draw attention (and police) away from the city while they go to work. After robbing the bank, the whole group will take a multiple-day cross-country ski trip with the ski resort’s instructor, Gil. The goal is to avoid local police by travelling into the snowy wilderness with Gil and waiting at his solitary cabin in the woods until a plane arrives to pick them up. Things don’t go according to plan though. The plane is delayed because of a snow storm, the almost-always drunk Gypsy has the hots for Gil, and the bombing of the mine has woken a spider-like beast that is following the group as they trek towards the cabin.
What ensues is a cheaply-made crime thriller with some monster horror tossed in from time to time. The filmmakers did the best they could with a low budget, which means that the beast is rarely seen, and when it is on camera, it’s usually too dark to make anything out. We’ll see a leg come into frame and grab someone, or we’ll see what might be the web-covered head of the beast bobbing around for a second, but until the finale, we don’t see much of the monster at all. So what we’re left with instead is a movie about a bunch of bank robbers who are basically holding a guy hostage even though he’s unaware of it. There is more drama than there are scares, but I still had fun with the movie.
The dialogue is campy, the acting will often make you smirk, and the writing is just cheesy enough keep you interested enough to stick around until the beast finally starts to do stuff. The only thing I really didn’t care for was the comic relief guy, Bryon. I didn’t even realize he was supposed to be funny until later in the movie, and when I did realize he was trying to be funny, he just made me a little sad. Byron does have an unusually good story arc though, one that’s bigger than a lot of the other characters, so I suppose I don’t dislike Byron. I just wish he hadn’t been so annoying in the first hour.
Beast from Haunted Cave is fun though. It’s fun to joke about, but I also just enjoy it for what it is. I will say that having Elvira pop up every once in a while with her skits and comments made the experience much more enjoyable, but I’d probably watch Beast from Haunted Cave even if I didn’t have the DVD of the Movie Macabre version.
Elvira’s bit for this movie is that she’s cutting costs for her show. After all, if Roger Corman can produce a movie like Beast from Haunted Cave for like $100, then surely Elvira can do some skits on the cheap, right? So Elvira fires nearly all of her staff and ends up having to do everything herself. Insert some bad puns and a few boob jokes, and you have another great episode of Movie Macabre. Watching this definitely made me want to build up my collection of Elvira movies.
With the recent announcement that Godzilla vs Kong will be releasedearlier than expected(and on my my birthday), kaiju movies have been on my mind. Plus, with New Japan Pro Wrestling beginning their first tour of 2021 today, pro wrestling has been on my mind as well. So with both of those things on my mind, I figured it was about time I watched Kaiju Mono, a kaiju movie starring the current IWGP Intercontinental and Heavyweight Champion, Kota Ibushi.
Kaiju Mono is about a skinny, nerdy lab assistant who is turned into a giant pro-wrestling superhero in order to fight a giant monster (called the Dai Kaiju Mono, or just Kaiju Mono in English) that is wrecking the city in search of its lost egg. The lab assistant, Hideto Nitta, has some quick success in his first encounter with the beast, that gains him some instant fame. However, the many different directions he’s pulled in because of his new celebrity status causes him to lose focus on what was important to him before, specifically, his massive crush on Miwa, the daughter of the scientist Nitta works for. On top of all of that, there is a secret plot by some foreign agency to steal the secrets that gave Nitta his extraordinary new abilities. It’s a simple story and a straightforward plot, and that sets up a good base for a whole bunch of goofy comedy and a few cheesy and fun fight scenes.
That being said, the comedy stylings of Kaiju Mono will not be to everyone’s liking. I’ve seen enough of these types of lower-budget Japanese movies to come to expect a certain degree of overacting and groan-worthy jokes and situations, but I can understand that it might be an acquired taste for some people. Make no mistake, Kaiju Mono is a comedy first and a kaiju movie second. I wouldn’t necessarily call it a parody of kaiju movies, but the argument could be made. Either way, Kaiju Mono does go off on some weird tangents (like the “joke” contest to decide whether or not the scientist will help fight the giant monster), and it does feature many plot points that end up being jokey versions of action and sci-fi movie clichés. I thought it was all in good fun though, and I had a smile on my face the whole time I was watching (even when I was shaking my head).
I do think my personal experience was heightened immensely by the fact that the star of the movie is one of my current favorite professional wrestlers in the world, Kota Ibushi. Seeing Ibushi outside of a wrestling ring and getting goofy in a movie like this was so much fun to watch. He didn’t have to stretch his acting muscles very much because it felt a lot like he was just acting as himself. Ibushi’s personality in every wrestling show and interview I’ve seen comes across as quiet, humble, and dedicated, and that’s about how he acted for most of this movie. And of course, the rest of the time he was kicking, punching, and Phoenix Splashing a giant monster. So yeah, absolutely top-notch stuff from Kota Ibushi. He should be in more movies.
Ibushi isn’t the only wrestler in Kaiju Mono though. One of the most frightening pro wrestlers alive, Minoru Suzuki, makes a cameo at a certain point. Suzuki also basically plays himself, and he gets real dirty when he takes his own brand of fighting to the giant monster. Ibushi and Suzuki are also joined by female pro wrestler Saki Akai. Akai has wrestled for promotions in Japan such as Tokyo Joshi Pro and DDT, and in Kaiju Mono she plays a beautiful and dangerous spy who is trying to steal Nitta’s secrets. Akai was great as well, and seeing her in this made me want to look up some of her matches. In addition to the wrestlers, there seem to be a bunch of cameos that I didn’t always recognize. I’m pretty sure one of the NJPW commentators was in the movie calling the battles like pro wrestling matches, and there were a number of Japanese celebrities I didn’t recognize until I looked them up afterwards. I’ll let them be a surprise, because if you know them then it will be fun to spot them, but if you don’t know them then it won’t matter if I name them or not.
Overall, Kaiju Mono was a good and silly time. I think you can tell exactly what to expect by watching the trailer, so if it looks interesting to you, then you’ll probably enjoy the whole movie. If you’re a fan of Kota Ibushi, then the movie is an absolute must-watch. If you don’t know or don’t care who Kota Ibushi is, then you might still have some fun laughing at this goofy take on classic Japanese monster movies.
Frankenstein Reborn (2005) – A Movie A Day 2021 #11
Frankenstein Reborn DVD cover
After watching The Curse of Frankenstein, I felt like I might be getting on a Frankenstein movie kick. After watching Frankenstein Reborn, I might be off that kick.
Frankenstein Reborn is a low-budget take on the Mary Shelley’s classic tale. Writer/Director Leigh Scott not only took inspiration from the original novel, but he seems to have drawn upon other adaptations as well as other horror movies in general. That’s all well and good, but the resulting movie isn’t that great. There are some positives here and there, but overall I got kind of bored.
Let’s focus on the positives though. I mostly enjoyed this new version of Dr. Frankenstein (Victor Franks as played by Rhett Giles). When we first meet Dr. Franks, he is being questioned about a series of murders in an evaluation to see if he’s sane enough to stand trial. I also enjoy the framing of the story with Franks telling us what happened so what we see might not be 100% accurate to what really happened (just like the novel and just like The Curse of Frankenstein).
I also enjoyed a lot of the practical makeup and gore effects. There are some very gruesome and bloody murders in Frankenstein Reborn, and even though the effects look relatively cheap, they’re also a lot of fun. The approach to the gore was to just add more and more blood to cover up any deficiencies in the makeup, and I approve of that mentality. Plus, the creature wasn’t bad to look at. Well, his face was good, but no attention was paid to the rest of his body, so that felt a little odd. But overall, yeah, I enjoyed the effects.
What I didn’t care about so much was the story or how it was told. It starts with Dr. Franks and his assistants using biological nanotechnology (or something) in an attempt to cure a man with a degenerative condition that will leave him completely paralyzed sooner than later. Stuff happens, and the patient is eventually killed and turned into a monstrous creature. And okay, I’ll admit to tuning out at times and probably missing some story bits, but I really don’t think I missed too much. The story is not very deep, and in the end it turns into the creature murdering a few women and then going after Dr. Franks himself. It’s a superficial reworking of the source material that ends up focusing more on stalking and killing than tryig to tackle themes regarding the human condition. Certainly, Frankenstein Reborn is no Frankenstein; or, The Modern Prometheus.
The editing of the movie was also somewhat off-putting, especially in the beginning. Victor Franks’ tale is told out of sequence for a while, so I was having to think about what happened when while I was still trying to figure out how all of these characters related to each other. That kind of storytelling can work well, but here it just wasn’t grabbing my attention well enough for me to put in much effort to keep up. Maybe that’s my fault, but regardless, that was also a big reason why I started checking out mentally.
I might give Frankenstein Reborn another shot at some point, but it probably won’t be for a long while. For anyone else vaguely interested, I’d recommend maybe trying out some other Frankenstein movies before venturing into this one.
The Curse of Frankenstein (1957) – A Movie A Day 2021 #8
original U.S. poster
So yesterday I wrote about being a big fan of spaghetti westerns despite feeling like I hadn’t seen nearly enough of them. Well, I have a similar story for you today. I love Hammer’s classic horror films, and I’m even named after Christopher Lee in large part because of my parents’ love for Hammer horror as well, but there are a good amount of movies from Hammer’s golden age of horror that I haven’t seen. The ones I have seen I’ve watched numerous times, but I’ve never really made a strong effort to watch the entire filmography. That might very well change this year with my A Movie A Day challenge, and it starts with today’s movie: The Curse of Frankenstein.
The Curse of Frankenstein stars Peter Cushing as the iconic mad scientist Victor Frankenstein. The story starts with Victor haggard and in jail, and the main portion of the film is told in a flashback as the possibly insane scientist recounts the story of how he ended up imprisoned. I enjoy the framing device, because it lends itself to the possibility of an unreliable narrator as plot unfolds. We see a young Victor as he becomes the head of his rather wealthy household after the passing of both of his parents, and we follow him as he becomes research partners with his former tutor, Paul Krempe. Victor and Paul make a scientific breakthrough when they discover how to bring a dead puppy back to life, but their strong friendship begins to fracture when Victor decides the logical next step is to bring a human back from the dead. Not only that, but Victor is determined to make a perfect human specimen by gathering the best body parts and organs he can find. You can probably see where this is headed, so I won’t spoil any of the main plot.
The DVD I watched it on.
The Curse of Frankenstein is naturally a familiar story to anyone who has read the book or seen Universal’s classic take on the source material, but Hammer’s version is different enough to stand completely on its own. As I understand it, Hammer originally wanted to do a more faithful remake of Universal’s film, but Universal threated to sue if Hammer’s movie was too close to theirs. That forced rewrites and changes to the creature’s makeup, and in the end I think it was for the better. I thoroughly enjoyed The Curse of Frankenstein, and I like it a lot more than Hammer’s version of Dracula which came out the following year. From what I remember, Dracula is a lot closer to Universal’s film, but in some ways it feels like an inferior adaptation. My thoughts on that might change once I watch it again (which I plan to do), but from what I remember, Christopher Lee as Dracula was the best part of the whole movie. The story seemed to be a truncated version of Universal’s movie with a finale that was not very satisfying. I didn’t feel the same way at all about The Curse of Dracula though, and I imagine the forced rewrites made a huge difference.
Speaking of Christopher Lee, he plays the creature in The Curse of Frankenstein. Lee’s creature is very different from Boris Karloff’s monster, so to compare the two would do a disservice to both. Lee, despite not having any lines, still manages to convey a strong sense of danger and tragedy. The scenes when the creature escapes are quite tense, and a lot of that has to do with Christopher Lee’s menacing presence. The makeup for the creature might not be great, but the acting done through the makeup makes all the difference. The focus of the movie is almost always squarely on Victor Frankenstein, but Christopher Lee’s presence as the creature perfectly enhances Victor’s character arc.
The Curse of Frankenstein is largely considered the start of Hammer’s iconic run of horror films that helped bring horror back to mainstream audiences. From what I’ve read, many people consider it to not be one of the strongest entries in that lineage compared to the movies that would follow it, but I thought it was great. It felt like it had more drama than horror, especially in the first half, but the classic-feeling horror definitely ramped up as the movie went on. The final few scenes are great, and watching Peter Cushing’s Frankenstein walk further and further down a dark path until it’s too late to turn back was fantastic. I think The Curse of Frankenstein should be on every horror fans required-viewing list.
Decoys 2: Alien Seduction (2007) – A Movie A Day 2021 #2
Decoys 2: The Second Seduction DVD case
Even in the world of online streaming everything, I’m still hooked on physical media. As part of my unfortunate addiction to outdated formats, I make regular trips to used movie stores like Movie Trading Company. On every visit I’ll be sure to check out the $0.99 DVD table, and almost every time I’m done pawing through the rows of forgotten and unwanted dics I’ll come away with a stack of cheap entertainment. It’s like a treasure hunt, though I admit I do have to be very generous with my definition of “treasure” in most cases. Still, over my years of bargain-bin shopping I’ve found some movies I love that I would probably have never given a chance otherwise.
For example, if I had seen Decoys 2: Alien Seduction on any of the streaming services I frequent, chances are I wouldn’t have clicked on it. It might have been added to one of my endless queues where it would have existed until it either got dropped from the service or I cancelled my account, but with so many choices available online there’s not a great chance that it would have piqued my interest enough to devote an evening to it. But, on a shopping trip yesterday, Decoys 2: Alien Seduction did pique my interest enough to pay ninety-nine cents plus tax for it, and it even topped the short stack of DVDs I arrived home with. There’s just something about having a physical disc in my hands that makes me feel almost obligated to watch it with undivided attention. So, long story long, last night I watched Decoys 2: Alien Seduction. So was it a successful treasure hunt? Do I love the movie? Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
Decoys 2: Alien Seduction (also known as Decoys 2: The Second Seduction according to the DVD I now proudly own) is a Canadian sci-fi monster comedy about a group of horny college guys who create a contest to sleep with the most women over a certain amount of time. I seem to remember the contest’s time frame being like two or three days, but I could be misremembering that, and it’s not important anyway. While the guys are preparing to prey on the hapless females of their university, there is a group of female aliens on campus who need to find virile men to seduce so they can impregnate the men with their alien spawn. Unfortunately for the guys, the process of impregnation involves a rapid bodily temperature drop that tends to kill the victim (hence the need for virility so they can survive the process). Why is there a temperature drop? It has something to do with the aliens being from a very cold planet. The aliens’ frigid planetary origins also explain their one major weakness: they’re allergic to heat. Oh yeah, and the aliens are all disguising themselves as beautiful women, and they can read minds and change their clothes to mimic any man’s fantasy. So with all of that in place, hilarity ensues. Well, something like hilarity ensues.
If I had to describe Decoys 2: Alien Seduction somewhat succinctly, the movie is an attempt at making an eighties sex comedy crossed with a late nineties sci-fi movie in the vein of Species, but filtered through the budget-conscious lens of an early Syfy Channel original movie (it’s not a Syfy movie, but it sure does feel a lot like one). Everything is done in an intentionally campy way, which, given the budget and the premise, was a wise decision. It’s a silly movie designed to get a few laughs, show a few breasts, and then roll the closing credits before it overstays its welcome. For what it set out to accomplish, I think Decoys 2: Alien Seduction did a fine job.
Though most of the comedy was just okay, I did smile a few times, and though they teased more nudity than they actually showed, I still found myself not regretting my decision to watch the movie. And I’m glad I stuck around until the end, because you do get to see the aliens in their true forms a lot more as the main group of guys (and one female friend who has of course been pining over the not-quite-so-scummy member of the group) hunts down the beings that have been killing their friends. I really enjoyed the designs of the monsters (again, think Species), and even though they didn’t have the budget to make the aliens very mobile in wider shots, the action was goofy and fun in a cheap sci-fi way. There were also some digital effects that looked okay for the era and budget, and overall the action/sci-fi portion of the movie was entertaining.
There is also a bit of star power in Decoys 2: Alien Seduction. Tobin Bell and Dina Meyer, both involved in the ongoing Saw series at the time this movie was released, make appearances as a professor and a doctor respectively. Tobin Bell looked like he might have been able to show up for one or two days to shoot out all of his scenes, but Dine Meyer played a fairly important role throughout the whole movie. She was even included in the climactic battle at the very end of everything.
And I suppose the only other thing that bears mentioning is the plot itself. I enjoyed the obvious role reversal of the predatory males being preyed upon by females who shove phallic alien tentacles into the guys’ bodies. It’s not super clever, but it doesn’t need to be. It works, and, as ridiculous as it is, it drives the plot forward. So yeah, I enjoyed Decoys 2: Alien Seduction enough to pay ninety-nine cents for it. Someday I might even watch the first Decoys… but only if I find it in a bargain bin somewhere.
I got Alien 51 for $0.99 from the bargain bin at my local used movie store, and I think that’s about as much as I’d be willing to pay for it. It’s a low-budget, straight-to-video sci-fi monster movie that was released in 2004. It’s biggest advertising point (printed on the front and the back of the DVD case) is that Heidi Fleiss is the the star. I think her being the star of the movie is debatable, but Heidi Fleiss is definitely in it. She spends most of her time complaining about pretty much everything.
In my view, the story really focuses on a character named Cleo. A monster has escaped from Area 51 and is on a bloody rampage across the desert. Cleo had some sort of involvement in the creation of the monster, so she reluctantly joins with a local sheriff, Sam Cash, to track down and stop it. Complicating matters are Billy and Evelda (Heidi Fleiss), a married couple who own a traveling freak show. Billy and Evelda want to add the alien-thing to their roster of freaks, so for just under ninety minutes, we are treated to poorly acted and edited carnage as the two couples hunt the monster as it rips random people to shreds.
I didn’t hate Alien 51, but it’s really not very good. I don’t mind the stiff acting or the bland story that much, but I was hoping there would be some good blood as a balance to the blandness. Unfortunately the blood isn’t great either, so I got kind of bored watching this. But hey, I only paid a dollar.
