Barbarian Queen A Movie A Day Journal Entry

Barbarian Queen (1985) – A Movie A Day 2021 #28

The awesome Boris Vallejo poster for Barbarian Queen.

Earlier today I came across a poster for the movie Warrior Queen. I’ve never seen the movie, but the poster features artwork by the fantastic fantasy artist Boris Vallejo which immediately got me interested. As someone who grew up reading my dad’s old Conan comics, many of them with Boris Vallejo covers, I have a soft spot for Boris’s style of epic fantasy art. Now, I understand that many of the sword and sandals/sorcery movies that came out in the wake of the Conan the Barbarian movie in 1982 are cheaply made and often cheesy and/or trashy, and the fantastic poster artwork in no way represents what the actual movie is like, but I don’t care. I like cheap, cheesy, and trashy movies, so it all works out. With that in mind I headed over to Tubi to see if I could find Warrior Queen. I did find it, and I found a handful of other movies with similar artwork and similar writeups. With so many choices I had the thought of maybe watching a few of them, so instead of starting with Warrior Queen which was released in 1987, I chose Barbarian Queen which was released in 1985 (and also features Boris artwork). And if you were wondering if I was right about Barbarian Queen being cheap, cheesy, and trashy, I have just two words for you: Roger Corman. 

Apparently Roger Corman produced a series of films in Argentina in the 80s, ten of them if Wikipedia is to be believed, and Barbarian Queen was one of his earlier Argentinian productions. If you know who Roger Corman is, then you might be familiar with the quality of many of his produced films. His name has been attached to many, many cheap genre films which are often very fun in the campiest of ways. Barbarian Queen is no exception to that rule.

Barbarian Queen is a story about revenge. In a small barbarian village, Queen Amethea is getting prepared to be wed to Prince Argan. Then, in a plot point that seems to happen in most of these types of movies including Conan the Barbarian, a troop of fighters led by the nefarious Lord Arrakur invades the village. Nearly everyone is either killed or taken prisoner, and the entire village is burned to the ground. Amethea manages to survive and avoid capture, and she and a handful of other female barbarians set out to rescue the remainder of their village including Argan and Taramis, Amethea’s younger sister. 

What starts out as a fun adventure movie with Amethea and her crew slaughtering bad guys in bloody fashion turns into almost a women-in-prison film. Amethea and her companions are captured after sneaking into Arrakur’s city, and they end up getting entangled with a plot to overthrow the evil leader. How that mostly plays out though is through threats, arguing, and torture. Amethea has to find a way to escape imprisonment which leads up to the climactic final battle with Arrakur and his forces.

For its cheesiness and trashiness, I enjoyed Barbarian Queen. I would have preferred more fighting in the middle parts of the movie, but the movie is only about 70 minutes long, and I was never bored throughout the run-time. This is one of those movies where the director found every opportunity to remove people’s clothing, and I can imagine, for that reason more than most, this was a decent money-maker back in the days of VHS. For someone watching it today, it was a light and easy viewing, but there are many movies just like it out there. Barbarian Queen didn’t really stand out, and I probably won’t revisit it any time soon, but I enjoyed it for what it is. That said, the best part of the movie is absolutely the poster.

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Beast from Haunted Cave (Elvira’s Movie Macabre) A Movie A Day Journal Entry

Beast from Haunted Cave: Elvira’s Movie Macabre Edition (1959/2011) – A Movie A Day 2021 #21

Elvira’s Movie Macabre DVD double feature (the one I watched).

Cheesy monster movies are great, but what makes a cheesy monster movie even better? Elvira! I’ve been watching Elvira host bad horror movies for as long as I can remember, and the original Movie Macabre theme music from the 1980s is forever imprinted in my brain. The original run of Movie Macabre ended in 1986, but I still regularly watch the show on VHS, DVD, and online. The show was revived in 2010 but lasted for just under a year before going away again. Episodes from the revival of Movie Macabre, including a few unaired episodes, have been released on DVD, and I, of course, have a few of those discs. So when I was looking for my daily movie to watch, picking an Elvira episode I hadn’t seen yet was an easy decision.

The movie I chose was Beast from Haunted Cave. The film is a Roger Corman produced monster movie about a gang of thieves who concoct a seemingly unnecessarily complicated plan to steal a few gold bars. The gang consists of Alex, the leader of the group, Gypsy, who is (sort of) Alex’s woman, Byron, the comic relief, and Marty, the uh… other guy. Alex wants to rob a bank near a busy ski resort, and he has Marty set off a bomb in a local mine to draw attention (and police) away from the city while they go to work. After robbing the bank, the whole group will take a multiple-day cross-country ski trip with the ski resort’s instructor, Gil. The goal is to avoid local police by travelling into the snowy wilderness with Gil and waiting at his solitary cabin in the woods until a plane arrives to pick them up. Things don’t go according to plan though. The plane is delayed because of a snow storm, the almost-always drunk Gypsy has the hots for Gil, and the bombing of the mine has woken a spider-like beast that is following the group as they trek towards the cabin.

What ensues is a cheaply-made crime thriller with some monster horror tossed in from time to time. The filmmakers did the best they could with a low budget, which means that the beast is rarely seen, and when it is on camera, it’s usually too dark to make anything out. We’ll see a leg come into frame and grab someone, or we’ll see what might be the web-covered head of the beast bobbing around for a second, but until the finale, we don’t see much of the monster at all. So what we’re left with instead is a movie about a bunch of bank robbers who are basically holding a guy hostage even though he’s unaware of it. There is more drama than there are scares, but I still had fun with the movie.

The dialogue is campy, the acting will often make you smirk, and the writing is just cheesy enough keep you interested enough to stick around until the beast finally starts to do stuff. The only thing I really didn’t care for was the comic relief guy, Bryon. I didn’t even realize he was supposed to be funny until later in the movie, and when I did realize he was trying to be funny, he just made me a little sad. Byron does have an unusually good story arc though, one that’s bigger than a lot of the other characters, so I suppose I don’t dislike Byron. I just wish he hadn’t been so annoying in the first hour.

Beast from Haunted Cave is fun though. It’s fun to joke about, but I also just enjoy it for what it is. I will say that having Elvira pop up every once in a while with her skits and comments made the experience much more enjoyable, but I’d probably watch Beast from Haunted Cave even if I didn’t have the DVD of the Movie Macabre version.

Elvira’s bit for this movie is that she’s cutting costs for her show. After all, if Roger Corman can produce a movie like Beast from Haunted Cave for like $100, then surely Elvira can do some skits on the cheap, right? So Elvira fires nearly all of her staff and ends up having to do everything herself. Insert some bad puns and a few boob jokes, and you have another great episode of Movie Macabre. Watching this definitely made me want to build up my collection of Elvira movies.

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Future Fear A Movie A Day Journal Entry

Future Fear (1997) – A Movie A Day 2021 #15

Future Fear DVD

Wow. I did not know what I was in store for when I picked Future Fear for my daily movie. I expected a good amount of low-budget cheese since it’s a movie produced by Roger Corman and starring B-movie queen Maria Ford, but yeah, I got way more than I expected. And that’s definitely not a bad thing.

Future Fear is a sci-fi action movie starring the aforementioned Maria Ford as Anna, a lieutenant in the U.S. Army, Jeff Wincott as John, a geneticist who has been drawn into a nefarious scheme, and the always entertaining Stacy Keach as General Wallace, the brains behind the nefarious scheme. The main plot of the movie focuses on a slightly futuristic game of cat and mouse as Anna chases John into and through some sort of secret military installation. John is carrying something Anna wants (or more precisely, something General Wallace wants Anna to get for him), and she seems like she might just kill John to take it.

As the chase continues through the entire course of the movie, the background of the story is told through numerous flashbacks. We learn about how John was dragged into the nefarious scheme that General Wallace talks about to himself from time to time, we learn about the romantic history between Anna and John, and we learn about how Anna and John got to the point to where they’re (maybe) trying to kill each other. The background is pretty wild and involves a global pandemic, the origins of life, religion versus science, and the rise of a Fourth Reich. Bear in mind though, the majority of the movie more or less only involves the three characters I’ve already mentioned while they’re living and working in an underground bunker. So all of that grandiose background information? We learn about it through conversations primarily between Anna and John. We are told, not shown, that the planet is dying and Anna and John are fighting to save or destroy it.

The way the story is told is what really hooked me. At first the constant cutting back and forth from action to the dialogue-heavy flashbacks was a bit off-putting. I didn’t know if I was going to get into the movie, but by the end of the opening scene I was all in. The movie opens with Anna chasing John, both of them in helicopters armed with machine guns. While they continue the chase for what feels like a really long time, the flashbacks start with “one year earlier” flashing across the screen. We see uptight and disciplined Lieutenant Anna meeting laid-back and free-spirited John as Anna informs John that he’s going to be working for the military. John resists the demand, but he can’t resist Anna. Meanwhile, in the future (or the present depending on your perspective) Anna and John continue their helicopter chase. Then, slightly less than a year back in the past, Anna and John are having an Alice in Wonderland themed dinner complete with Alice and Mad Hatter cosplay for Anna and John. They get intimate on the table, but back in the future/present, the helicopter chase is coming to a dangerous end. Then the chase moves into the underground bunker. At this point, about fifteen or so minutes into the movie, I was hooked.

The flashbacks are full of fabulous melodrama. Without spoiling anything, I’ll just say that Anna and John’s relationship goes to some spectacularly awful places, and it’s mostly a lot of fun seeing what tragic misstep they’ll take next. Some of the scenarios get pretty dark, but it all works to show why Anna is so angry but still seems to have such a hard time killing John as she chases him. Oh, and the Alice in Wonderland (i.e. Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking-Glass) stuff continues throughout the entire movie. Alice metaphors have been utilized in countless movies and are really overdone, but the devotion to numerous and obvious Alice references in Future Fear is kind of endearing. John has an Alice in Wonderland obsession of sorts (with a bit of Humpty Dumpty thrown in), so Alice is a near-constant motif throughout the movie. John even starts dreaming about Alice in his recurring nightmares about his father. Oh yeah, John’s father was in the military and died, so John is traumatized by that, and that is also tied into everything else that’s going on. There’s a lot of stuff going on in Future Fear.

One person who didn’t have much going on when filming Future Fear was Stacy Keach. As General Wallace, Stacy Keach gives about 90% of his performances alone in a dark room. Wallace is in the movie quite a lot, but he’s often either talking on an intercom or just talking to himself. This is one of those instances where it seems like the biggest star in the movie was able to shoot nearly all of their scenes in one day in one location and be done with it. I’m not saying Stacy Keach is bad though. Quite the contrary. Wallace demands attention with his soliloquys even though no one is around, and his words build him up as the worst of the worst. Wallace is a Nazi-inspired, white supremacist, religious zealot who wants to use an alien virus to cleanse the planet. Did I mention the alien virus yet? Yeah, there’s an alien virus, and that’s what’s causing the global pandemic. See? Lots of stuff going on.

I don’t know if anything I just wrote makes sense, but really, Future Fear does make sense in it’s own way. Whether or not you as the viewer buy into the sense it makes is going to be an individual experience though. I enjoyed the movie for the over-the-top, melodramatic performances and the campy action told through an almost dream-like structure of flashbacks and dream sequences. It’s some high-concept stuff jammed into a low-budget movie, and it’s great to watch late at night when you’re already kind of tired and heading towards sleep. Will it put you to sleep? Maybe, but you just might enjoy it more than you expect. I know I sure did.

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